Please join me in wishing Remarkable Communication a happy birthday! I started the blog exactly a year ago, on August 11, 2007.
Today I hope you'll indulge me as I look back over the year. I'm not one whose blog rocketed out of the ground--I've build traffic slowly and steadily, and I'm just now rounding the bend of 1,000 subscribers. (Welcome and thank you to all!)
Are you smart and motivated and passionate, and have lots of cool things you'd like to get done, but somehow when it comes to doing them, you just . . . don't?
Are you great at ideas but lousy at execution? Talk a good game but don't get any results? Spend a lot of time thinking about where you want to go, but not much time actually moving your ass down the road that would take you there?
You, my friend, are a flake. Congratulations. We are a worldwide force. If we could all get ourselves moving in the same direction, we would change the world. However, that will never happen.
Most of us are creative and smart. We're often very funny and really pretty charming. We get things quicker than a lot of people do.
What we lack is . . . more »
To read the rest of this post, please visit Remarkable Communication at its fancy new home!
By Sonia Simone
When I was about 20, through a series of complete flukes, I got a job working as a costume assistant for the U.S. tour of a small Russian ballet company. This was before Glasnost, Russians were exotic creatures in those days. We had the FBI come and ask us questions, it was all very interesting.
I didn't know anything about dealing with costumes, but my friend K who got me the job did. We were traveling with the ballet company across 21 U.S. cities in 10 weeks. As it turned out, we didn't have any of the union waivers we needed to actually work on costumes, so mostly we screwed around and chased boys and drank too much.
Flickr Creative Commons image by Andrew_Baron
I have lots of friends who are entrepreneurs. Some of us have day jobs as well, others are making a full-time living in their businesses. Some think they "aren't really entrepreneurs" because they run schools or nonprofits.
Some are successful and some are struggling, but we've all got one thing in common. We've maxed out our personal resources. Not our checkbooks or credit cards (although sometimes those too), but our creativity, our time, and our productive energy. (keep reading »)
Photo from icanhascheezeburger.com
By Sonia Simone
They wreck our stuff, kill our sleep and chase away our non-parenting friends. But we still love 'em and want to take care of them. I've learned a lot about effective persuasive communication from my three-year-old.
And it only makes sense. Toddlers are too small to do much, and lack their own credit cards, but they need the same food, shelter, love and amusements that anyone else does. All they have are their powers of persuasion.
These suggestions aren't (just) tongue-in-cheek. Try them out in your own communication to make some stronger connections. (keep reading »)
Flickr Creative Commons image by Kah_Zanon
By Sonia Simone
I'll say one thing for Dan Kennedy, the guy is up front about how much he hates liberals.
I subscribe to his marketing newsletter, and am constantly on the verge of canceling. He hates liberals in every issue. He hates liberal politicians and liberal voters and liberal businesspeople and liberal household pets. If he finds out Mother Teresa or Martha Washington were liberals, they're going on the list.
I find this annoying because the newsletter is a paid subscription, so I'm always mentally calculating what his hatred-of-the-month is costing me. But it is what it is.
Frankly, Kennedy is too disciplined to do something that doesn't work for him. My guess is that his political stance resonates with enough of his audience that he can create a rapport with a good chunk of them through that alone. It reinforces his brand of a politically incorrect, cranky, "no-BS" guy.
Kennedy is a sharp enough marketer that he knows he doesn't have to be all things to all people--he just has to be valuable and memorable to the "herd" he's built up.
So this is not an argument to leave politics out of your content. That's up to you. It works very well in some situations and not at all in others.
But I will give you a little cautionary tale. I recently subscribed to another newsletter, written by a good writer who's very smart about what he does. I happily read through maybe a hundred pages of past issues of newsletters, special reports, and all the other goodies you get when you subscribe to something these days.
Toward the end of my pile of reading material, out of nowhere comes a nasty, angry rant about the ACLU. Not a sentence or two, but a full-on, pissed-off vitriolic diatribe.
Now if you're going to randomly explode into a violent rage one day, I would suggest choosing a target that enjoys more universal hatred. The IRS (or whatever your local tax agency is) will do nicely. Al-Qaeda is always good. And I think even other telemarketers hate telemarketers. You can rant away at targets like this and not do much collateral damage.
But there are quite a few people (like me, as it happens) who find the ACLU an important and even heroic organization. If you're Dan Kennedy and you've spent 20 years blasting away at anything left of Idaho, you haven't created any additional ill will. Your customer either agrees with you, tunes you out, or leaves.
If this is your first shot at the left side of your readership, though, you might want to reconsider.
If you’re going to use a controversial position to define yourself and your tribe, keep it at about the same level all the time. Put it front and center when you begin the relationship, and refer to it often enough that no one forgets.
Don’t worry about scaring away some customers. If you're passionate about this position, it will help you find your tribe and bind them tightly to you.
On the other hand, if it’s not really that important to you, find something that is. The world has enough pissed-off people in it without you looking for ways to add to the rosters.
Flickr Creative Commons image by riotjane
By Sonia Simone
Let's face it, moms know everything. (Of course, now that I have a child, I realize how pitifully incorrect this is. Never mind.) Mom had it right on the big stuff, anyway. And she had it right because she loved you, and love is smarter than anything.
So as a last-minute mother's day present, here are 6 (ok, 5) mom-approved tips for your own personal and professional success.
1. Just be yourself. If people don't like it, they aren't real friends anyway
There's no worse waste of time, energy and money than trying to do work for clients who aren't right for you. In the first place, it won't work--you'll go broke trying. And in the time you waste, you could have been connecting with dozens or hundreds or thousands of clients who would love and appreciate you.
Assuming you aren't a sociopath with halitosis, spend as little time as possible dwelling on what you do badly. Focus on being unbelievably great at what you do well.
Consider constructing a 12-foot tall neon sign about anything you're a little insecure about. Hot pink is a good color. (Mine reads: "World's Least Competent Cold Caller.") This will, perversely, read as confidence, and the people who already liked you will start to put much more trust in you.
2. If you can't say something nice . . .
I realize this somewhat contradicts #1, especially if you happen to be a snarky, edgy type of person who can hone an insult sharper than a San Quentin shiv.
Let's face it. There are few pleasures that compare to trash talking, especially if you're really good at it. That delectable shiver of superiority as your arrow hits the mark. The boom of approving laughter. Well-honed snark is a mighty, mighty drug.
There's almost nothing about my life I would change, except for the times I've hurt people with something I have said. Even if the person you're going after is Ted Bundy, you'll do some collateral damage. Some nice, interesting, quiet person (who might have had something really remarkable to contribute) will be angered and hurt by what you've said, and you'll never even notice.
The tricky part is, for some of us, this really is where our gifts lie. Some of us are Molly Ivins, or Bill Hicks. If that's you, be sure to choose your targets wisely. Go after Google, or China, or network television. Remember the traditional journalist's credo: afflict the comfortable and comfort the afflicted.
3. If you're that bored, go clean your room
Feeling stuck? Can't move forward? Spinning your wheels and making no progress?
I'll lay odds that somewhere, there's some uncomfortable business that you need to attend to, but you're putting it off. Maybe it's getting over your number-phobia and talking with a bookkeeper. Maybe it's coming to terms with your fear and loathing of marketing. Maybe it's just a half-day of errands, running around to get your PO Box and business checking set up.
The things you put off not only mutate to ten times their natural size, they also start creating weird unconscious blocks in other parts of your life. Somewhere, where you can't quite hear it, there's a tape (I suppose these days, this is now an MP3) running that's saying, "if I can't even get it together to set up an email newsletter, there's no way I can actually succeed at this business/project/fundraiser."
I don't know what "clean your room" will mean for you, but you do. It popped into your head about four seconds ago. Write it down, right now.
(Waiting for you to write it down.)
OK, now before you can think about it too much, just go get it done. If you can physically get off your ass right this minute and get it finished, do that. If not, scribble on a post-it the next thing you need to do to make this happen, and then figure out exactly when you're going to do that. Before the end of this week, please.
You'll be happily surprised by how much energy this frees up. That same MP3 player will start playing a new tune, something more like, "huh, I guess I'm kind of a stud after all. Now that I've got that done, I'm going to do this other thing right now."
Sounds hokey, but it works. Like so much of mom's advice.
4. Look with your eyes, not with your hands
OK, I wracked my brain and can't figure out a way to translate this one to success. It just cracks me up when I hear myself telling my own kid this. Sorry.
5. If your friends jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge, would you do it?
Never mind that the true answer to this is usually sure I would. Mom was trying to teach you that the right answer is no, and that's good advice.
What works beautifully for Skellie or Clay or Caroline may not be the right choice for me.
My version of a great Copyblogger post (I thought the naked one was pretty good) looks significantly different from Brian's great posts, or James's, or Dean's or Roberta's.
Being inquisitive and paying attention and learning by observation are all terrific. God knows I built this blog on the foundation of a pretty transparent role model. (I believe Brian's term for the early days of remarcom was "a shrine.") I can heartily endorse copying someone really good for a little while. But you do it to learn your own voice, your own obsessions, and your own unique contributions.
If you've ever bought something just because the ad or sales letter was irresistible, try to find that ad and copy it out by hand. Do that with any written ad that really pulls you. You'll learn a surprising amount.
Copy wisely, copy from the best, then set copying aside and do your own thing. You really can conquer the world that way.
6. Look where you're going
When all else fails, pay attention. The more lost you feel, the more curiosity you need to cultivate about where you are and what's going on right this instant.
There's a ton of advice out there about just about anything. Irritatingly, each of us has to build our own version of the map. We construct it with 10,000 jigsaw pieces in front of us, only 4,000 of which fit the puzzle we're working on. Horribly inefficient, but it's the only way to make something real.
Keep paying attention. The path will appear. Make sure your shoes are tied and you've got clean underwear, a kleenex and enough money to get a taxi home if you need to. You're going to do just fine.
(P.S. What's your own favorite bit of advice from mom? Let us know in the comments, please!)
Flickr Creative Commons image by basykes
By Sonia Simone
Here's the part no one talks about, when you're creating content strategies for your business. You reveal a few personal details and make yourself vulnerable. You pour your heart into your content, because you know that in order to make a personal connection, people need to feel they know you. You work hard getting it as great as you possibly can.
And someone comes along who hates it, and you feel like you've been pissed on.
Now you may be one of those highly admirable people who takes nothing personally. If so, go check out something practical like Chris Garrett's post today, this one will bore you to death.
But if you're a thin-skinned sensitive soul like I am, you will feel like killing yourself. Jumping off a bridge seems like a pleasant proposition next to this. We quirky souls (I prefer quirky to neurotic, don't you?) secretly spend a little too much time mentally listing all the ways we aren't good enough, don't know enough, and are entirely unworthy of any success, love, fame or money. An unappreciative remark (or a downright criticism) hits us like a bucket of ice water to the face.
"Aha!" we think. "I knew I sucked. Now I have validation. Add to my to-do list, find bridge."
Since the world is a better place if you do not, in fact, kill yourself, here are a few strategies for when you're finding it just too awful to go on.
1. Keep a testimonial file
Ideally you'll do this before some brute rains on your parade. Create a file of great things people have said about you. Keep it where you can always find it. (The Web is nice for this--I'm never far away from my Backpack.) Unless you are Osama Bin Laden, your fans are going to massively outnumber your critics. Keep a lot of evidence from your fans, and make a point of referring to it frequently.
This is not vanity, this is a simple reality check. Most of us weigh criticism far more heavily than we do kudos, an unhelpful and unhealthy habit. We need to make a point of remembering to focus on the good stuff.
2. Resist the temptation to kick yourself for getting upset
You may have an internal monologue that goes something along the lines of, "Why am I such an idiot to take everything personally? I'll never be able to succeed if I don't get a thicker skin. God, if only I didn't suck I'd be making as much money as Brian/Darren/ at the very least Remarkablogger. Stupid, stupid, stupid idiot to take it personally. Stop taking it personally. God damn it, stop. Ugh. Moron."
Let me be gentle. This is not helping you, sweetie. You've just taken a right cross to the jaw--please try to refrain from giving yourself a left hook to follow it up.
When I catch myself doing this, I find it extremely helpful to wallow in my misery. Go ahead and feel bad about getting criticized. In fact, go ahead and feel awful. It's quite helpful to zero in on physical reactions--my scalp always gets hot when I feel under attack, and my gut gets cold and knotted up. Pay attention to all that. Let yourself feel absolutely dreadful. The more completely you can give in to it, the quicker it passes.
3. Control your outward reaction
Since I am good with words, at one point in my life I responded to criticism with the verbal equivalent of neutron bombs. I can be pretty darned mean when I set my mind to it.
Not smart. Or kind.
Liz Strauss had a nice point on this at SOBCon. If you get slammed, say thank you. As unappealing as this may seem (and believe me, I've tried to find a workaround, but so far, no luck), criticism can sometimes be very useful. When you've had a chance to process everything, you can go back and decide whether or not there's something to learn. In the meantime, you'll look cool, calm and collected.
Which, in my evolved way, I like to think of as nice revenge on the rat bastard.
If you're a true head case like I am, it's smart to work up your response in advance. Feel free to steal this one:
"Thanks so much for that, [jerkface]. I'm going to give that some more thought."
Expert communicator tip: This works better if you use their name rather than [jerkface].
4. Don't over-correct
You've put a lot of time and thought into your content. If one person in a hundred hates it, the odds are not in their favor.
So yes, you may learn something valuable. But don't change your direction until you've given yourself enough time to really process it. If you're still angry and hurt, you're not there yet. Once you can think about the comment and not get mad, you're ready to learn.
If you're still boiling, go back to step 2. Vent, vent, vent. Wallow in your rage and misery and be an absolute drama queen until it doesn't really bug you any more.
You may be strongly (and subconsciously) tempted to do anything at all to avoid ever getting criticized again. Resist this with everything you've got. Nothing is more boring than inoffensive content.
5. Congratulations! You're succeeding
This is the really annoying one. When you're getting criticized, it means you're moving toward success. Your stuff is getting in front of more eyes, which means your odds of finding a critic go up. And you look strong and confident enough that the people who dislike strong, confident people will take a potshot at you.
Also, your thin skin can actually be a tremendous asset. Great content and relationship marketing depend on a high level of empathy. Being a delicate flower usually means you're a blackbelt at empathy. If you can, think of your writhing agony as a price you pay for gifts that come in very handy at other times.
I know all of this is easier said than done. Believe me, I have 42 years of experience in how much harder it is to do than to say. But these do help me a lot, and I hope some of them may help you too. Most of you are far less mentally ill than I am, so you may not need all of them.
Related Reading:
So let us know in the comments: What's your best technique is for handling criticism?
(p.s. If you like this post, I will be honored if you'd Digg, Stumble or link!)
Flickr Creative Commons image by ganessas
By Sonia Simone
A lot of us put significant energy into keeping it safe. We don't want to do anything that wouldn't be tasteful. We don't want to do anything that would get on anyone's nerves. And we truly, madly, deeply don't want to make any mistakes. If we get a complaint or some crabby feedback, we scurry back and "fix" what we did so it won't upset anyone.
We guard carefully against "losing" any readers or customers. (When we should be putting more energy into truly winning some.) We play by the rules. We take pains never to offend anyone, and we believe fervently that that keeps us safe.
We are dead wrong.
Boring is dangerous
The problem with boring is, you don't see the damage it causes. It's easy to miss the huge majority who yawn and click the Stumble button again. You never see the customers who don't come back because they don't ever think about you. You have no idea of the business you're missing out on because your communication is just too nice and normal for anyone to remember or talk about.
It's easy to tell yourself that the problem is the short attention spans that are rampant today, or the monumental failure of the public taste, or that there's too much competition. Those may all be true, but that doesn't get you any business. It's painfully easy to blame your lack of success on what's wrong with everyone else.
Being boring doesn't keep you safe. Maybe it used to, for a little while, but it doesn't any more. If you want to really terrify yourself, pick up a book called Funky Business
I try not to swear on the blog, so I can't tell you the Funky Business take on what the 21st-century economy boils down to, but I can tell you: it's not playing it safe.
Remember when you were in second grade and there was that fearless, fast kid who used to swoop in and steal your Snickers before you really understood what was happening? That kid is still around, and he's launching a lean, aggressive, competitive little business that's about to do it again.
Being an idiot is not the answer
Being a damned fool works for some people, but I'll tell you, it's got to be genuine. I doubt the damned fool strategy will work for you, for one reason: damned fools don't read my blog. Despite my best efforts, I use too many big words and I keep picking weird pictures.
So most of you reading this are, well, smarter than the general population. Which can be something of a handicap, quite frankly. Let me guess, history majors, lit majors, maybe the occasional dual-major in Russian and math? (Tell us in the comments!) And, of course, the usual collection of self-taught misfits who write essays (which you might call blog posts) for fun on the influences of Proust in Ren & Stimpy. You're a bunch of smartypants, which is why you come here for advice.
So if Jon Morrow was right in his terrific recent post, and valedictorians make lousy bloggers (and/or marketers), what are we supposed to do about that?
Here's Jon's answer, which I like a lot.
Unlike high school, being a blogosphere “clown” is less about acting stupid and more about telling the truth in an interesting way. Sometimes they’ll laugh, sometimes they’ll get mad, and sometimes they’ll be thinking about your post two weeks later. Regardless, as long as you’ve captured and maintained their attention, you’ve won.
Your to-do list
Related reading
If you liked this post, please Digg or Stumble it!
Flickr Creative Commons image by exfordy
I recently heard a recording of a certain successful Internet marketer. The recording was made some years ago, before he got quite so successful. He was telling a seminar crowd how good he was at the "sincerity thing."
He didn't quite come out and say he was faking his sweet, goofy, ordinary guy style. But let's just say that the fast-talking guy running through his bag of techniques to sell ice to Eskimos didn't exactly strike me as Andy Griffith.
Is it working for him?
It seems to be. The guy is doing extremely well even if you assume he's inflating his income by 10 times (Which I do). People want his product, which is probably perfectly ok. The schtick is working.
Does that mean you should do the same? Study techniques on how to fool people? Learn to be a better trickster and go buy a $1,995 information product (with a follow-up continuity program, of course, so they can keep dinging you for a few hundred bucks a month) on how to create more effective sheep's clothing?
I guess that's up to you.
There's a sucker born every minute
I notice that a lot of the internet marketing folks (many of whom seem comfortable with the title "guru") have started to quote P.T. Barnum as a business mentor. Googling around, I find that Barnum apparently did not actually ever say the quote he is best known for, "There's a sucker born every minute." His business rival did, after Barnum out-faked the rival's fake and drew throngs to pay tickets for a literally gigantic hoax.
Barnum made a tidy career out of tricking the gullible. If that's the kind of game you enjoy, I'm not going to be able to talk you out of it. (Anyway, you probably quit reading this blog a long time ago because I'm such a goody-two-shoes.)
When Godin's All Marketers Are Liars
There's a place for fairy tales
Fairy tales are fine. Fairy tales are nice, actually. They bring a lot of pleasure and sometimes they tell a deeper truth. Fairy tales and stories are what make us human beings and not clever hairless monkeys.
Swindles suck. Cons suck. People who snicker at the stupidity of their customers suck. And in the new wired world, swindles and lies always get found out. When the crowd comes looking for you with the tar & feathers, I won't stand in their way.
I will always encourage you to be storytellers and spinners of fabulous yarns. In the same breath, I strongly discourage you from emulating the crowd of big bad wolves wearing grandma's cotton bonnet. If you keep company with wolves, you'll get eaten up eventually, no matter how much money they might tell you they make.
